When a Child You Love is Diagnosed with Autism or Aspergers

When child you love has Autism, ASD or Aspergers, life can initially seem to spiral into panic and confusion. Once the doctor makes an official diagnosis, and you understand the illness related behind the behavior, you may feel both relief and sudden terror. These opposite emotions play upon your own emotional needs, family needs and ability to help your child.

While the educational and medical community instantly labels your child on the Autism Spectrum Disorder, this does not mean that Mothers, Fathers, Grandparents and Teachers should label the child. Once the label is placed upon the child’s heart, the label is there forever. Sometimes, the initial diagnosis is incorrect, and you’ve now crowned an innocent child with a lasting title.

Our tendency is to “blame and justify” our child’s unacceptable behavior with an acceptable labels:

• “She acts that way because she has Aspergers.”
• “He said that because he is autistic and does not know better.”
• “If he did not have autism, he would not do that.”
• “Don’t play with her, she has Autism.”

The labels justify the behavior yet do not benefit the child. They benefit the teacher when she is unable to explain why the child failed a math exam. They benefit the father when he is frustrated by a child who disrespects him. They benefit the Mother when she worries she is a bad Mom because her child will not behave. Labels benefit everyone around the child and not the child.

Once labeled, the child experiences the emotions and fear of the label. Why do we place labels on ourselves and our children? Are we defining people using the same words journalists created when writing a news story? Saying you are the mother of an autistic child, grandmother of a bipolar child or wife of a cancer patient places a label on you and your entire family. Is it really news worth sharing, or is it justification for a child who does not fit a normal pattern of behavior. Do we gossip about our own child?

Sometimes the label is necessary to obtain Special Education services. Parents desire the absolute best education for their kids, even to the point of seeking the ADHD or a learning disorder diagnosis necessary to obtain smaller class size and better teachers. Something is seriously wrong with an education system that rewards learning disorders and entices well meaning parents to obtain undeserved labels for their precious children.  A few of these children really do have special learning disorders, and several of them do not.

Why not treat all children in the educational system with the same attention the Special Education child receives. Every child should have a modification learning plan to meet the learning style of that child. Children and parents should not be required to seek legal aid to advocate for the education of their child. Doctors should not provide the Autism Spectrum Disorder label when the child has a “slight” tendency towards the disorder, simply to support parents in obtaining better educational services.

We live in a society of broken systems initially designed to support our children. We live in a system of labels, where a child is labeled Autistic, Diabetic, Bipolar, ADHD, Gifted, Special Needs, or “has divorced parents.” She’s the “daughter of an alcoholic.”

Parents, grandparents, teachers and physicians are attaching labels to very innocent children. A child lives with the label through adolescence and maturity and by the time she is a young adult, she has created a role and identity to fit the label she wears. It’s shameful that adults design the labels and apply them to children to explain their unaccepted behaviors. It’s shameful to the child when she is a young woman and labels herself with expectations created by someone else.

Use caution when placing a label on your Autistic or Asperger child. Share the diagnosis in confidence with people you trust and do not wear it as a victim badge. Consider what age your child needs to know and the age your child can process the information. Allow time for treatment after the diagnosis since it may take a few years before you discover if the initial diagnosis was incorrect. Some children really do have the illness and will be affected by it their entire lives. Other children are misdiagnosed.

When you refrain from labeling your child, you protect your child from labeling herself.

Related Autism Articles

Resources for Autism Spectrum Disorders

Protecting Your Autism Child

Autism Awareness Bracelets

World Autism Day

Summer Camp for Asperger Kids