Mother’s Day Post: God is in Control

Please enjoy this guest post for Mother’s Day, by author and speaker Wendy Hagen….

Have you ever been in a spiritual desert? A time where you were thirsty for God, but He was nowhere to be found? Have you ever cried out to God and not heard a response? Have you ever wondered if there was something that you were doing or not doing that was causing you to feel disconnected to God?

These are the questions that went through my mind eight years ago when I journaled this:

“I know you are real. The prophecies, the manuscript evidence, etc. I have seen you do amazing things in me and in others. You are real, but right now I just don’t feel you. It is so strange to me that I am questioning and trying to understand your love for me. I never thought I could be at this place. The weekend’s theme (at the women’s retreat for my church) was all about your love. But then I say—You love everyone. How is it special that you love me? What can I do to be close to you? Wait? Go into a serving ministry? Fast? Go through a hard time?

I know it sounds crazy, but I do envy Sally for the closeness she has to you as a result of the devastation she is experiencing from her husband cheating on her and leaving her. And I envy Pastor Steve—as a result of his illness, he is so close to you. Please draw me close. Whatever it takes.”

Little did I know that as I penned those words my “hard time” was growing in my belly. I was pregnant. And the closeness to God I desired was right around the corner. But let me back track first . . .

During this time of spiritual dryness I continued to go to church, women’s bible study, and small group. And yet, I felt like I wasn’t really learning anything.  Well, nothing except the loud and clear message that God is in control. I didn’t realize it at the time, but in His love for me, God was preparing me for the next season of my life. While I felt distant from God, Acts 17:26 was drilled into my head and heart over and over again.

“From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live.” I had no idea that this would become my life verse.

Debbie Alsdorf used this verse at my church’s women’s Bible Study. It was also a verse I heard on a women’s retreat. And finally, Debbie weaved this verse into San Francisco Giants Wives’ Bible Study. (One of my girlfriend’s husbands was on the team and so I set up and attended that study). When that verse came up yet again I thought, How appropriate for these women. They never really know exactly where they will be living because their husbands could easily get cut, traded, or sent to the minor leagues. But God knows exactly where they will live. How comforting for them. Too bad I can’t really apply this verse to my life. Too bad I am not learning anything in this spiritual desert.

I just really didn’t have anything out of control in my life that would cause me to really comprehend this verse. Enter pregnancy.

My husband and I were excited to be parents. We told our friends and family, we painted the baby room, and we had many unsuccessful discussions about what we would name our baby. Everything was going great until my twenty-week ultrasound appointment.

As the doctor looked at our baby on the screen a grave look swept across her face, “Wendy I need to be serious with you right now. Your baby has a lot of problems.” Gulp. She then proceeded to tell us about the defects. Three major midline defects leading her to conclude that our baby had Trisomy 13 or Trisomy 18, each a rare chromosomal abnormality that happens at conception. Our baby was going to die, but no one knew when. Would she even make it to birth?

We were devastated. And yet even as the doctor told us this horrible news and tears streamed down my cheeks, I felt peace. Immediately Acts 17:26 came to mind. God had determined the time set for my daughter and even where she would live. Our daughter’s life was in God hands. In my pain and disappointment I knew that God was in control. That day we named our daughter Faith. That day I discovered my life verse.

I was catapulted out of the spiritual desert and on to the lap of my heavenly Father. I no longer felt distant from God. He was right there. I no longer questioned his unique and specific love for me. I experienced that love more than I ever had before. (For more details of the story you can visit my Faith blog—www.faithhagen.blogspot.com)

Perhaps on this Mother’s Day you are missing your mom, mourning the loss of a child, or struggling with infertility. God has not forgotten you or your situation. He loves you as an individual. He is in control—even when we don’t quite understand what He is doing. He is a trustworthy heavenly Father.

If you are privileged to be a mom today—hug your kids a little bit tighter tonight!

Happy Mother’s Day!

About the Author

Wendy is a child of God, wife of Shiloh, mother of three, watcher of Formula One racing, lover of baked goods, fan of UCLA sports, and former child actress. She loves to blog (http://hagenhoopla.blogspot.com/) about her funny and disastrous tales of motherhood as well as her experiences in Hollywood. Follow her website http://wendyhagen.net/ for information of her new book Totally Desperate Mom: Keepin’ It Real in the Motherhood. Wendy’s book releases July 2010 and may be pre-ordered from her website. To pre-order her book and save money, click here.